Surely they can't screw up eggs?
Whilst the Easter Egg has yet to disappear from our shelves (although it is
probably only a matter of time before some greedy corporation decides they can
make a greater profit by selling some other chocolate based product at that
time of year), the confectionary multinationals have all but wiped out the last
reamining childhood thrill from these chocolate eggs; cracking open the egg to
find another, tastier chocolate treat inside.
The meaning of Easter
Easter. A time of birth. A time to celebrate the coming of new life, both
religously and spiritually. A festivity passed between generations for almost
two thousand years. And the symbol chosen to celebrate this new birth? The Egg.
A simple shape, that has been the giver of life to many creatures since the
dawn of time. This precious, nurturing coccoon, protecting the young and
helpless until one day they are ready to make the final brave step by breaking
the shell and venturing forth into the world as a new life. The contents of the
egg are the very essence of life itself.
So why the f**k have Easter Egg manufacturers started packaging the chocolate
treat, the one true symbol for the birth of a new life, OUTSIDE the egg??!
Eggs for the stupid
Yet again, it is another example of the corporate masses treating the consumer
with no respect. It is an opportunity for them to create generic egg boxes,
with generic plastic inserts, and generic foil wrappers to enclose a generic
egg and then simply stick any old chocolate bar alongside it in the box in a
pathetic attempt to fool the public into thinking they have a fantasic range of
unique products, that has been lovingly crated for the benefit of the consumer,
when in fact anyone with an IQ above their shoe size realises it is just an egg
with exactly the same chocolate bar they can pick up in the dingiest of corner
shops, 365 days of the year. The only people that benefit from this are the
chocolate manufacturers themselves who save on costs, so they can generate
bigger profits because they only have to make one box, one plastic insert, one
foil wrapper and one egg and only have to pay for one machine to do each job.
Could someone please explain to these brainless, corporate morons, the point of
Easter. All about the celebration of life, birth etc. And then someone take
them along to a farm and point out that when a chicken lays an egg, the embryo
is inside the egg and doesn't pop out next to it!
"But consumers want to see exactly what they are getting...", argue the
chocolate manufacturers.
Uh why? When Arthur was six he coped OK. He knew there was a treat inside the
egg. And that if the box said it was a Mars Bar egg then, funnily enough, there
would more than likely be a Mars Bar of some description inside. And people
have quite happily used real eggs for thousands of years without having to see
the yolk first!
The recent marketing of the Easter Egg is a sign of the current downfall of
society. The corporations are pandering to the stupid elements of society by
pointing out the bloody obvious to them. The thickies of this world cannot work
out that if an Easter Egg doesn't actually show them the extra treat that makes
that egg unique to all the other eggs available, then the treat must be inside.
They think that there must be no treat, so will pass onto another egg, possibly
from another manufacturer, and choose that one instead.
Thus manufacturers cater to the lowest common denominator and drag everyone
else, the intelligent elements of society, kicking and screaming down to their
level, destoying the last elements of chocolate egg tradition. It is the easy
option. The simple option; Instead of taking the time and effort to educate and
give the stupid the gift of knowledge to bring them up to the level of their
intellectual superiors who understand the concept of the egg, yet again the
mindless corporate chocolate empires just dumb it down and put another nail in
the coffin of our once great society.
There are still plenty of Easter Eggs available that shun this evil trend and
hark back the more traditional times. However these tend to be high quality,
hand crafted eggs that can only be afforded by those of generous means. Sadly
the very people who are most in need of such traditional values are the ones
who can afford them least.
But there is a single beacon of light on the horizon. A symbol that all is not
lost. The Cadburys Buttons Easter Egg, a small and simple egg, right at the
cheapest end of the market, still holds true to the ideals of Easter; The
chocolate buttons are packaged inside the egg. Let us hope that this last
mass-market hope continues to shine for many more years to come.