An Unlikely Hero

Arhur Cleethorpes pencil sketches

When news of the 'Dirty Cheese' drama first broke, Arthur was working as a simple cheese roller within Bridlington Cheeses. He had got the job a few years earlier as part of a youth training scheme, after he was sacked from McDonalds for nibbling the cheese slices before putting them in the Burgers.

His time at work was monotonous: Go to work, put on hygienic hair-net (Arthur is personally not keen on dressing in women's clothes although he knows that in this day and age it is nothing to treated with disdain) cheese goes in, cheese gets rolled, flavour and cheesy goodness goes up, cheese comes out, leave work.

And his home life was a disaster: He still lived at home and spent most evenings looking after his little brother, Kevin, whilst his mum went out to work. Arthur wasn't quite sure exactly what his mother did for a living. She said she worked as 'a lady of the night', but Arthur had occasionally seen her wandering the streets of Bridlington in some very revealing stockings and wondered why his mother would be ashamed of admitting she sold tights door-to-door. Why on earth people would only buy tights at night he didn't really know, but he didn't know the hosiery industry like his mother, so he didn't like to question her.

Arthur needed a miracle. Something to change his life for ever (and for the better). Something to motivate him. Something to excite him. Something to renew his energy. Something to light the spark, re-fire his imagination and turn his life around!

So he decided to go down to the local chemists and buy himself a new toothbrush.

Arthur's current toothbrush was a few years old now. It hadn't got many bristles left and this left his gums were constantly sore. His mum wouldn't let him have a new one because she was still using her old toothbrush (Arthur always inherited his mothers toothbrush after she had finished with it, in a hand-me-down type of fashion; Kevin would then get Arthur's cast off brush). But this time was going to be different. He was going to be positive, stand up to his mother and say 'I'm going to buy my own toothbrush today! And if you don't like it then we may have to sit down and talk about it, which may result in me taking the new one back for a refund if it hasn't already been opened.'

And so, with his new found, positive, I-won't-be-pushed-around attitude, he gathered up Mr. Percival (his piggy bank, into which he placed all his spare change) and marched down to his nearest branch of Boots.

Having negotiated the cosmetics counter and the enthusiastic young ladies that worked there who tried to spay him with all kinds of smelly stuff that didn't have anywhere as near a nice aroma as cheese, he found the toothbrush aisle. Unfortunately, things were not going to be as easy as he first thought; there were hundreds of different styles! Some with small heads, some with bendy necks. Should he choose long or short bristles? And even then he had a choice of colours! He'd never had a choice of anything before. The panic began to set in. He scanned desperately up and down the rows of brushes, but they all looked the same, blurring into a sea of on multicolured handles and bristles.

Then it happened. Something caught his eye. He stopped. It was different, bigger, better than all the other tootbrushes. The sleek lines, small head, dynamic bristles and angled neck. And it was electric.

"This must be the one", he thought to himself. He picked up the electric tootbrush that was on display and carressed it in his trembling palm, feeling its flowing, hygenic lines. As he activated the switch, the entire brush began to gently vibrate with a comforting, buzzing sound. "Yes. This is the one." The hypnotic oscillations filled his entire body. He felt the awesome cleaning power at his command. And without a second thought, the entranced Arthur took the brush and Mr Percival over to the cash desk...

Arthur and the Cheesebrush 1. 1998 BC (before cheesebrush)