An ACACCAC Success?
Arthur has some good news. And some bad news. Then he has even more news that initially looks like it could be good news but in fact turns out to be bad news. It would appear that after the relentless pressure of the ACACCAC (Arthur Cleethorpes Against confectionery Capitalism Action Campaign) that some of our favourite chocolate snacks have returned!
The Texan is Back!
At the start of September 2005, after an absence of almost 20 years, the Texan bar was re-released by Nestle! "Hooray!" Arthur hears you cry, "all is well in the world again!". Unfortunately this moment of happiness is to be short lived however, as Nestle have decided to make this a limited edition release that will once again disappear from our shelves, never to be seen again until one day some supposed genius marketing manager decides to bring it back for a few months in a pathetic attempt to demonstrate how much they love their customers and listen to their demands. Whilst Arthur has very much enjoyed the return of the Texan bar (chomping his way through four boxes in the past few months), he can't help but feel cheated as they will soon be taken away again with no idea as to when they will ever return, if ever. Arthur says just make them or don't make them; it has served as a reminder to the world as to the greatness of the Texan bar and far from appeasing chocolate aficionados, it has only made them more angry that they are again soon to be deprived of their favourite chocolate bar.
The re-released bar is slightly smaller than it used to be and is also a bit softer (the rock hard nature of the original can be simulated by placing the Texan bar in the fridge for a while, although it soon softens up again once you start chewing). But the taste is just right and it still has a certain chewy quality even if it isn't enough to remove your fillings like the old bar did (clearly the British Dental Association couldn't afford to bribe Nestle enough to add extra horses hooves to the mix to guarantee that extra chewiness that would have earned them millions in revenue replacing fillings up and down the country).
Return of the Opal Fruit
It's August 2008 and Opal Fruits are back too! Woo hoo! But much like the Texan before, only as a limited edition. Boooooo!!!!! Yes, Arthur buys them and enjoys them. But it certianly doens't make him miss them so much he wants to buy Starburst instead when the limited edition run is over. In fact it probaly riles him up even more so! After all, it's just a packaging change - the product itself isn't any different and has always been avaialable, just under its treacherous, turncoat alter-ego of "Starburst".
Still tastes good, Still juicy. Still melt-in-the-mouth and not particularly chewey. It's just that they're Opal Fruits. And NOT Starburst. End of story.
The Marathon is Back!
After the good news/bad news regarding the Texan bar, it came as a double surprise for Arthur to discover that the Marathon bar is back as well! However, once again, all is not as rosy and picture perfect as it seems; the new chocolate Marathon bar is in fact called a Snickers Marathon Energy Bar! These gutless chimps take away one of the countries best loved brands, then, realising their mistake, attempt to reintroduce it by the back door by branding some poncy, fashionable energy bar with the old name we used to love in an attempt to fool the general public!
Do these people think everyone is stupid? Arthur knows of people with IQs in single figures who can see through this lame attempt by the chocolate manufacturers to ingratiate themselves with British chocolate consumer! Arthur for one, will not be fooled into buying one of these so called "Marathon" bars. Consuming this chocolate travesty is tantamount to raping your own mother and Arthur certainly does not want to go down that path! Arthur's blood is literally boiling and thus he's going for a long walk now to try and dissipate some of that bottled up anger. Woe betides any confectionery stores he happens to come across en route as they are likely to be burnt to the ground in a moment of pent up agression. Sickening. Absolutely fucking sickening.